It is truly exciting and life giving when you are connected with another person who brings out the best in you and you bring out the best in them. Meaningful relationships begin with so much positive attraction-positive energy-whether friends or romantic partners! You find all the things you have in common-all the traits you love in the other. These may be attitudes you wish came natural to you or traits you wish you had more of. You also see the things you like about yourself in the other person!
In the beginning of a relationship you tend to ignore or overlook the little idiosyncrasies. Being together and enjoying the fun of your differences is joyful! You look the other way or decide it isn’t worth noting what bothers you.
Then, after awhile the traits that you thought were so great may begin to grate! You become disillusioned when you notice the habits that are irritating! What you may have overlooked or joked about in the past now makes you want to scream!!! You notice less lightness and playfulness in the relationship. Your energy is drained after being together rather than energized. Before you begin blaming yourself or the other person you may want to consider these Energy Draining Mistakes you may be making.
1. Forgetting why you came together in the first place. What attracted you? Was it the way you could talk together? Did the other person seem to know you without a lot of explanation? The longer you are together the easier it is to forget what you truly appreciate about the other. You take niceties for granted. Simple things like when he laughs at your funny stories even when he has heard them before, when she makes you a cup of coffee just like you like it, or your friend knows how to listen without interrupting when you’re sharing a problem. These may seem unimportant now that you have them all the time, but at one time they were what you desired, what made you feel more valued, appreciated, or alive. Start paying attention to the simple things that you do for each other that once felt special. This simple remembering may rekindle appreciation for the treasure that you have.
2. Focusing on the other and not yourself. When you don’t feel the same romance or joy in the friendship it can become easy to blame the other person. You can see yourself as superior by noticing all the things the other does not do or all the faults they have. This is the time to turn the mirror on yourself. Ask yourself some key questions like: What have I done recently to improve the relationship? What have I done to improve myself? What self care have I done recently?Am I becoming the person that the person I’m with would be looking for if they were looking for someone new? Your dissatisfaction may be about how you feel about yourself. You could be less energetic to be around and boring to be with!
3. Living with Routine. When was the last time that the two of you did something out of the ordinary. Have you fallen into patterns that are draining? Do you each do certain tasks because it just became easy? Do you do the same things for fun over and over again? Where is the spontaneity in the relationship? Trying new things doesn’t have to cost a lot of money or time, but the renewed energy may be well worth the investment. Evaluate your days, weeks and habits and see if there are simple places for change. This may create some new sparks that revitalize the aliveness that you both felt in the beginning of the relationship.
The energy of a positive meaningful relationship affects many aspects of your life: health, work and quality of being. It is special and may be rare when you find someone with whom you truly connect. So before you decide to move on it is worth considering overcoming energy draining mistakes and Remember what you Really Love About Each Other, Continue to Improve Yourself, and Add Spontaneity to your Relationship. You are worth it!